Thoughts on God

Recently, I was faced with the question of what am I attached to as a person, and why. My first instinct as an answer is God. Since it is not something people intuitively understand, I have attempted to summarise my thoughts on "why am I attached to God", with some text. 

There's first and foremost the question of whether He exists. My assessment of the world is that it is consistent with His existence. I have no mathematical proof, of course. One simply cannot answer a question like this with mathematics, which simply means that one has to be content with consistency of evidence, without a formal and seamless logical argument.

But the question of His existence is not just a theoretical mathematical conjecture for me. It is not like this for anyone, whether they believe in His existence or not. The question of God's existence is a question about truth (the fabric of reality, if you may), not personal taste. Now, I do believe that truth exists, and needs to be understood, upheld and defended at all costs (although some might debate me on this...). But the content of this question is actually about love: the question of whether God exists is actually a question about whether love, in its purest form exists. If it doesn't, then as a truth seeker, I have made the commitment to uphold it at all personal cost. Even if I find that answering in the negative is really brutal, and strips life of worth or meaning.

Now, as to why God's existence is related to the existence of true love. In this world, human love is frail and not reliable. It is true that people love one another to some degree. But human love so very often fails. It can fail due to incomplete knowledge and understanding of the person you love (eg you imagine them to be someone you think they are, but actually they're not). It can fail because it is so often arising out of utility (people love one another for the sake of the positive impact that person brings into their lives). Even if love is beautiful and innocent, humans themselves disappoint, and hurt one another despite loving each other. Finally, human love fails in the sense that it always ends, because of death of the receiving and giving parties. 

God's love, on the other hand, is of a different nature. He doesn't need us at all, and yet He loves us. He knows everything about us, failings and all, no illusion, and He still declares His love for us, and not only so, Christianity preaches a God who would step down and offer Himself to cover our brokenness as human beings. He is everlasting, and so His love has no temporal end, and He promises everlasting life to those whom He loves too. Examining the claims and historicity of Christianity convinces me, that there is a reasonable amount of hope (how fortunate that is!) that the reality is that pure love from our Creator does exist, that it is consistent with observation.

For many years now, this is the source of my perseverance, hope and strength -- whatever strength I have, that is. His love gives my life meaning. When I am weak and needy, I am reminded that He assures me with free and unlimited love, in its most pure and unadulterated form. Unconditioned on my performance. With that, I can move forward in love towards everyone else, without asking much in return.

His love is like the coffee of my soul. I cannot live without it.